Am I good enough?

Andrea de Baat Author

A Practical Guide to Improving the Relationship with Yourself.

IANGE & me are old friends. I think we first met when I was about 5 years old. I don’t remember much of it but I found myself with a best friend that was much smarter than me.

Since then my Greek friend has followed me around. IANGE was always kind of the leader in our friendship. For a long time, I thought I was IANGE’s only best friend, but a few years later I realised that this friend has more “friends” than any Social Media Profile, I have ever seen.

In the beginning I was eager to please IANGE. After all, I wanted to be liked. I would hardly ever say “no” to any suggestions that IANGE made and would not dare to disagree or speak my mind. I would say that our friendship went through different stages. In the beginning, I always believed IANGE. I always trusted what IANGE was saying.

Over time we went through the “I hate you phase”, the “I am ashamed of you phase”, and finally the “I will show you phase”.

That last one did not go very well. Every time I would do more and more IANGE just set the bar higher for me. It was so exhausting.

One day, I realised that I couldn’t continue this “friendship”. I decided to see less of my lifelong companion IANGE, and surrender to the truth that breaking up was the best thing to do, no matter how hard.
IANGE kept showing up at first wanting my time, energy and attention. And even through the wobbles, I began to see less and less of my former friend.

Since I’ve started my own business, IANGE has reached out again. But this time, something in me has changed.

In the old days IANGE would sit in the passenger seat:
Giving unrequested advice while I am driving, and trying to steer me off the route I wanted to take. I got pretty tired of all the bossiness but for some reason wasn’t able to kick IANGE out of the car.

IANGE still sits in the car, but is now just a backseat driver. If huge danger is ahead, I

appreciate it that I get warned, but most of the time, I tell IANGE to shut the f**!? up.

I recently learned that this friend actually goes by another, official name: Atelophobia. A word that is composed of two Greek words: the prefix Atelo(s) means imperfect and the post-fix phobia means fear. IANGE is best friend with IWBL - I won’t be loved.

Together they scare the Sh*** out of most of us. Tony Robbins calls these “the 2 primary fears that all human beings share”.

I am not afraid to feel IANGE in my body anymore. I can feel the presence and recognise the thoughts without running from them and I can see them for what they are. It is me that chooses what I want to listen to.

Funny enough, I have learned that with practice and shining the light on these thoughts and feelings, IANGE is not a friend who sticks around for hours and hours of chatting. More the type that screams like hell for a few minutes and tries to prevent me from doing something, and is then not seen for a while again. And over time these breaks become longer and longer.

Looking back, I would say that IANGE was not a friend at all. More a teacher, that challenged my growth. And I could not be more grateful for that.

Who gets to decide what is enough?

What makes you enough? Money, success, power? When has the “enough level been reached”? And who gets to decide what that level is?

Our society has certain standards by which we have been measuring our worth. We can always work harder, push further and do more. I stopped defining myself by my job and title almost 5 years ago, when I quit my job, sold my stuff and travelled the world.

My parents were shocked, many friends thought I was nuts. After all I wasn’t 20, but almost 40. I chose to let it all behind and to come back to me. A human being. Not a human doing. And it felt great!

I did not have to “earn” my worth. I could just be. And I was starting feeling the value of just being myself. Being me. However IANGE still had quite a strong grip on me back then.

So how have IANGE & I improved our relationship? And how can you?

I shone the light on my limiting beliefs and the frozen tension in my body that has been accumulating over time. I have been working with my thoughts for the past 3 years, and it is still ongoing.
Fully feeling and accepting the fear helps to reduce its firm grip.

I went to the gym. And I trained daily. About 3 times a day. Not my body but my mind. My Mental Fitness.

At the beginning, this illuminated how many more negative thoughts I had then positive ones. They were stark, mean and cold. But over time I started to acknowledge those negative thoughts while bringing in more room for the positive.

Next, I started to work on liberating the frozen tension in my body by using embodiment practises. A way to tune into the body and feeling all that is present in the body and letting it move (through) your body. A powerful way to reconnect with yourself and all the sensations and feelings that are there.

How you can get started:

1. Ask yourself why you feel not good enough? Because you are good enough. Everyone came to this world just the way they are supposed to be. Why do feel like there is something wrong with you? Is it your negative self-talk or is it your interpretation of things happening around you?

   Jenny did not call me back, so she does not like me. “I am not good enough for her”.
   Take a moment to observe what you say to yourself after others “stopped talking”.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others. A sunflower doesn't compare itself to a tulip. It just blooms. It does not

   try to be any different. Why would you?

3. Surround yourself with empathetic, supportive, understanding, caring, and nurturing people that cheer you on instead of criticise you. Don’t have that kind of women around you? Come and join and connect with us here. We will be happy to cheer you on!

4. Set a goal and work towards it. Make sure you have someone to support you and hold you accountable. This will help yo

   u to gain more confidence in yourself and see what you are truly capable of!

5. Feel your feelings. Take some time each day and spend it with yourself. Tune into your inner world and notice and observe what is there in the moment.

Are you ready to shine light on your fears?

I would love to support you on this journey and help you to be successful while also creating healthy relationships with your work, others and most of all - yourself.

Connect here for a free discovery call, or keep reading more about Unchained Connection.

Keeping reading:

> Recovering from Codependency
> What is my Attachment Style?
> Healthy Boundaries in Relationships.

Categories: : limiting beliefs